Navy Wedding Blues

Glossary

2005-12-29T20:18:00.000-05:00

Glossary, added at the insistance of MOTB:
FOTB: Father of the Bride MOTB: Mother of the Bride POTB: Parents of the Bride
TB: The Bride TBTB: The Bride To Be
TG: The Groom TGTB: The Groom To Be

Off to Iceland and London

2005-10-18T21:22:00.000-04:00

So the wedding is over. The Bride and Groom disappear into the Victorian Bed & Breakfast--the rest of us disperse. We arrange to all meet for dinner, and wind up at a Greek restaurant, Taverna Opa, in German Village--very near the motel many folks are staying in; a positive review is at http://www.gayot.com/restaurantpages/info.php?tag=CORES0125&code=CO, while there's a less complimentary one at http://www.wsyx6.com/newsroom/features/bite_with_johnny.shtml#taverna
The food is plentiful, hardy, and filling, and apart from a minor confusion (the vegetarian stuffed grape leaves are delivered to the wrong person, so MOTB winds up with meat filled grape leaves, which requires some adjustments). We're all seated outdoors, on a side porch of the Victorian-era house that the Gayot review mentions. Service is pretty good, and FOTB runs into one of the community performers who's a volunteer in his research facility and has the chance to share the evening's pleasures.

We're all having a grand time, when a belly dancer starts up. Literally.

We get out as soon as possible. And go home and collapse.

The next day, we take the newly-weds to Cirque de Soleil's performance of Varekai, playing in a big tent. The show is as unbelievably slick as the website: http://www.cirquedusoleil.com/CirqueDuSoleil/en/showstickets/varekai/intro/intro.htm
highly theatrical, highly polished, great skills, and kind of a really, really silly and thin plot line to hang all the virtuosity on.

Then it's the next day. TB and TG show up at POTB house to pack up gifts, etc. And they depart for Iceland, then will be off to London for a week. Each, cleverly, has gotten three weeks' leave, but overlapped them--so TG spent the first week of his leave in Norfolk with TB, second week (her first) in Columbus getting ready and getting married, and the week in London will be his third week. And her second. Her third week will be in Iceland, while he returns to work. So they get a month together. Here they are departing for the airport:

After the week in Iceland, TB returns to her ship; they'll be separated until TG retires in February--and we'll all meet in Iowa to celebrate a late holiday.

And now we all return to normalcy! Or what passes for normalcy, after this period of enormous activity, and enormous joy.

The Day Arrives--But first.....

2005-10-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

It's now Friday--the day before the wedding. All seems in gear--family and wedding party are arriving, settling in to the Victorian Bed & Breakfast and other places; all have found hotel space, despite the hordes of Texas fans, and the anticipated mobs for WaterFire have not appeared yet, so all remains relatively calm. First, the space must be decorated. This involves hanging yards of white tulle from the columns in the main space at the Cultural Arts Center. And despite lots of promises from lots of TBTB's local friends to help, only two show up: Shawna, a bridesmaid, and Dave, a close friend. Here they are preparing yards of tulle (25 yards to a batch):

MOTB does all the measuring, planning, and organizing (including, of course, taking the pictures). Shawna and Dave are helping measure, putting strings through the tulle to tie them up around the columns, and wiring together ivy strands that will hang from the columns as well. All is very efficient.

But, you might ask, who does that leave to actually hang the tulle? From on top a fifteen foot ladder? Well, if you gues FOTB, you'd be right. Despite mild vertigo, up he goes.

And the tulle gets hung, the gallery gets decorated, and we all go home to relax. Until the rehearsal at 4. And the arrival of the tables and chairs and linens. And the caterers, to do preliminary setup.

Of course, all goes smoothly. It will turn out the next morning that three tables don't arrive, but everything else does. The one problem: the butterflies. TBTB has ordered live butterflies, to be released as Bride and Groom depart from the reception, Man and Wife. Butterflies will be given to each of the guests by The Butterfly Girl (TBTB's cousin Christopher's daughter, Yona), in paper packets. The butterflies will fly forth in a great cloud at the moment of departure. This is better than rice, not really permitted at the Cultural Arts Center because it gets in cracks between bricks. Bird seed is an option; TBTB prefers butterflies. They're ordered from a butterfly place in Florida -- which I think is Butterfly kisses, http://www.butterfly-kisses.com/index.html -- and will arrive today, on Friday. They are to be kept dormant, through chilling, until a couple of hours before release.

But we're not home to receive them. POTB are hanging tulle; TBTB and TGTB are gathering up family and friends at airport, transporting back and forth, making last minute arrangements. Luckily, TBTB's Uncle Brian, the nuclear engineer from California, has arrived. So he's to stay at POTB's home to receive butterflies.

But the butterflies don't arrive. We all return from decorating, meeting, etc., in early afternoon. And UB reports no butterflies. TBTB checks the order--and discovers that the wrong address is on the confirmation: street number is off by 100 digits. And the tracking systems reports that butterflies were delivered four hours earlier.

TBTB runs down the street. And discovers the butterflies, in their delivery box, on the porch of the wrong address. In the sun. On a 90 degree day. Unsigned for. Despite directions on box: do not deliver without signature. Refrigerated. To be kept cool.

Well. We open the box, to disover the dry ice has all melted. Ice is quickly added to box, and box is put in basement. We can but hope. There are some scratching sounds from the envelopes, so presumably butterflies are no longer dormant. We hope they become dormant again. Otherwise tomorrow, Bride and Groom, rather than having a cloud of butterflies surrounding them, will be pelted with dead insects.

Rehearsal goes without a hitch. Rehearsal dinner, at the Clay Cafe where everybody paints china, is great fun. Both documented on blogs with links here: http://navyweddingrehearsal.blogspot.com//

And the wedding itself works well on the day. Despite missing tables, all works perfectly. Bride is lovely, groom is dashing. Again, documented elsewhere, at http://columbusnavywedding.blogspot.com/ MOTB finishes wedding gown an hour before the wedding, breaking the tradition in the family (MOTB was a half hour late to her own wedding, as her mother finished sewing the gown as she wore it). ( And The Gown is itself documented at http://columbusnavyweddingdress.blogspot.com/ --as well it should be.) The reception goes well, with spectacular food from Dragonfly NeoV (www.dragonflyneov.org) --Magdiale also bakes the vegan cake. And despite threats from a few carnivores to bring buckets of KFC, they don't. And eat the terrific food --the griddle cakes are particularly popular so quickly that POTB and newly weds get only a couple of bites apiece. The string trio is tuneful, piano music (thanks, Susan!) during the reception gives a great atmosphere to the gallery space. So the wedding and reception are smooth and joyous, on all counts.

And the butterflies are alive, mostly. The grandmother of the Bride releases hers an hour ahead of time, not quite understanding what it is. (The packets are distributed an hour before needed so the butterflies can wake up.) But at the moment, the butterflies fly. Many alight on the Bride and Groom, attracked by their dazzling whiteness--she in lace and satin, he in dress whites. Here's one on Uncle Brian's hand:

And the Bride, a butterfly on her arm, and The Groom await the carriage. So the butterflies fulfill their mission--to take positive messages to the dieties on behalf of those who set them free.

The Wedding thus ends, with the newlyweds riding off in their carriage. It's too early for a sunset, but read on . . .

A postscript: the carriage route takes the Newlyweds through downtown Columbus, on a circuitous route to avoid heavily trafficed streets. The carriage drives past the Cirque du Soleil, set up north of the Cultural Arts Center by about a mile, then turns to go around Nationwide Arena, and passes the Columbus Convention Center. As the carriage nears the Arena and Convention Center, 4000 Honda dealers emerge from the Center, leaving a sales meeting to go to the Cirque. The carriage and the newlyweds drive through the mobs of Honda dealers--who respond to the romantic scene with cheers. So the newlyweds drive, in a carriage, through cheering throngs. Is that not a perfect ending?

Count Down

2005-10-06T11:43:00.000-04:00

So now it's Labor Day. TGTB has been with TBTB in Norfolk for a week, and they arrive in Columbus. Wedding frenzy hits full sail, so to speak. Here are the tasks to be accomplished between Monday (Labor Day) and Saturday (The Wedding):
--first, an immediate crises. Al, old friend of TGTB and Navy meterologist buddy, is to be groomsman. But he's in Biloxi, Mississippi--and stranded by Hurricane Katrina. After much phoning back and forth TGTB finally reaches him. He's ok, as is his living conditions, etc., so he didn't need to evacuate. But all the bridges are down--no way he can drive from Biloxi to Columbus, no ground or air transportation systems working. He can't come. So TGTB calls another friend, Dave, in Seattle, who's coming anyway. Dave will be groomsman; luckily, Edwardian style tuxes chosen by TBTB are at The Men's Warehouse www.menswearhouse.com/) which is a national chain; Dave will be fitted in Seattle and bring his tux with him. and when we contact the local Men's Warehouse to cancel Al's tux, they say--after hearing the circumstances--that there will be no late fee or rush fee for Dave's tux.
--all arrangements need to be gone over with TBTB. Many decisions were made in her absence/being at sea and not reachable via usual means of communication. So there will be adjustments. But not many. POTB resist some; redoing the bodice of The Dress has cause MOTB enough hassle. Flowers--check! Menu--check! Tables--check! Linens--check! But then changes are made by caterer in number/shape of tables, which require changes in linens which require --- etc., etc., etc. And caterer Cristin reports that the gold-rimmed china is too worn, so we're back to plain white.
--POTB now obsess about the horsedrawn carriage that will take TB&TG (no longer TB when the carriage is needed) from Cultural Arts Center to Victorian Bed and Breakfast.

Despite having sent proposed route (horse can't deal with too much traffic, so the route has to be circuitous) and deposit in June, no response from carriage folk. And despite repeated, and increasingly curt phone messages, no return call. Finally, POTB drive to carraige folks' house, and knock on door (resisting urge to pound). Carriage driver answers, bewildered that we need confirmation. Offers as excuse that his son was going to active duty in Iraq in August, so he's spent time with son. FOTB cuts him off a bit brusquely, retorting that TBTB and TGTB met on active duty in Iraq (subtext: wedding couple both in harm's way trumps your one child, don't pull the patriotic excuse); driver then asks where messages left, and responds, Oh, that's the cell phone, I've lost three cell phones this week alone. FOPTB answers, with careful control, since the cell phone number is the only one available, he's not sure where else to leave messages (refraining from suggesting that perhaps a boy scout carrying a message on birch bark impaled on a forked stick might be more reliable). Driver assures that horse and carriage will be there On The Day, and that route is fine. Fine.

--TBTB and TGTB spent huge amounts of time searching for, purchasing, comparing, wrapping, etc., personalized gifts for the wedding party. Most are terrific gifts; some are, to POTB, a bit puzzling. A ceramic baseball that opens? All will go in gift boxes decorated with naval knots, found at the always-interesting JoAnn Fabrics Plus. TBTG has cut black foamcore squares to line the boxes.

--Meanwhile, The Wedding Gown has been fitted and is now being adjusted. The lace train is being hemmed and scallops added. The Veil is fitted and ends finished. All this means MOTB is locked in sewing room most of the week. She hasn't had time to hem to sleeves of her own dress; a foray to stores for an alternative dress the weekend before The Couple arrived demonstrated that the range of choices for a mature woman who wears petite 5 are very, very, very slim. Her options are to keep the dress she has and shorten the sleeves, dress like a bag lady, or look vaguely like an older Brittany Spears. Shortening the sleeves seems necessary, but where to find the time? Luckily, Sarah, an old friend and former wardrobe mistress for the Columbus Performing Arts Center, comes to the rescue. Sarah comes by, has supper with us, gives solid suggestions for working on The Gown, and takes away MOTB dress. It reappears two days later, sleeves exactly right.

--TGTB needs to unpack and adjust the Model of The Golden Hind, begun by his father as a gift for TBTB, and completed after Robert's untimely death by TGTB, as well as assemble the cast--the wooden part of the case made in Iceland and shipped to Columbus, as was the Model itself. The dedicatory plaque, ordered in Iowa, was shipped to Kuwait by mistake, then rerouted to Norfolk, then Iceland. It's here too, finally. Glass for the case, ordered in Columbus by MOTB to TGTB's specifications, has to be checked and put in place.

And, of course, TBTB can't see any of this, just as TGTB can't see The Dress. All of which necessitates much planning, scheduling, etc. What doors need to be closed? TGTB can't go upstairs at POTB house, because The Dress is there. TBTB can't go upstairs at MOTB's studio, because that's where the Model is. MOTB sews.
--since the flowers will incorporate ivy from POTB's yard, FOTB spends Labor Day afternoon getting appropriate long strands of ivy and immersing them in ice water. They will be delivered to Mimosa the next morning. MOTB sews. It's then decided to incorporate ivy stands in the decorations at the Cultural Arts Center. FOTB plans to spend Thursday morning cutting more strands of ivy. Luckily, ivy is abundant. MOTB sews.

Thursday arrives. As do the first family/friends/wedding party. Pace quickens.

Life Intrudes

2005-09-18T21:18:00.000-04:00

We're now heading towards the end of July--six weeks and counting.All now seems to be moving forward. The Dress is being constructed, the Bridesmaids' Dresses are chosen, the catering, photorgraphy, flowers, linens, site are all set; invitations have arrived, been addressed, and mailed. Although complicated, this seems far too easy. And, of course, it is.

Before all this erupted, FOTB agreed to teach a new, experimental seminar in theatre and aging, part of what will be a new emphasis in graduate program. And with a colleague, won a grant from the folks in continuing education to support the offering. All very good. But: time is short from the time the grant is awarded to the offering of the two-week seminar, which will happen the first two weeks in August. So FOTB plunges into details, publicity, working with graduate asistant and colleague, amassing mailing list of potential students, etc. To complicate matters further, FOTB will be hosting a retreat for playwrights during the third week in August--again, a project set up well before TBTB made her announcement. This is the second year for the playwrights, so there's a commitment (the retreat is for members of a women playwrights' support group), and it involves lots of arrangements: housing, transportation, panels daily, volunteer actors to read the works in progress, etc.

It all happens, of course. But not without a fair amount of rushing about. The two week seminar as FOTB in class (his own) from 8:30 to 12:30 daily, and sitting in on colleague's session from 1:30 to 5:30. There are additional sessions in the evenings. Small group, with a mixed group: some undergraduate students, a couple of graduates, and some senior types who can sit in on the course for free, being over 60. The playwrights' retreat is also time consuming (and POTB host two Ohio corn roasts as part of the week). FOTB gets playwrights about (and here's three of the writers, with FOTB, in a trendy place called "Betty's" in Columbus's Short North district--see also www.theshortnorth.com/Restaurants.htm for more about the district in general and Betty's in particular); it's fun and rewarding, and well worth it. If tiring--

Meanwhile, MOTB continues sewing, creating patterns as she goes, adapting and changing things as TBTB adjusts things from afar. The satin tulle for the dress has to be handbasted, and is, MOTB mutters, 'slippery.' The lace for the overdress tends to fray, so it's decided that it will all have to have a handsewen applique to solve that. Lace and satin and lining bits start to drift about the sewing room, which is TBTB's original room, now guest room off the computer room. Pins are dropped. Perhaps having a braided rug on the floor wasn't all that good an idea--even if the rug was braided by TBTB's grandmother some fifty years ago, with wool remnents from the textile mills of Massachusetts--all now long gone, so the rug itself is an historic artifact, as well as being a family heirloom. And as the rug's maker is now in Columbus, nearby in a nursing home and in relatively good shape at 93, that adds to the rug's value. Now, of course, it's a bit of a menace. The playwrights, however, find the whole dress project fascinating, and cheer MOTB on.

There are several more trips to JoAnn Fabrics etc. Finally, after one final corn roast, the playwrights depart. Valuable time for all. It's now fourth week in August. Three weeks to go! TGTB will arrive in Norfolk this week, then, right after Labor Day, both TB and TG TB will appear in Columbus, last minute arrangements made, and all will go wonderfully. Oh, and we've arranged a string trio, headed by an old friend, Susan Walsh (who plays weekly at Mozart's, a terrific Austrian pastry shop and bakery and restaurant); FOTB begins effort to have the couple recess to "Anchors Aweigh."

Bridesmaids' Dresses!

2005-09-16T23:24:00.000-04:00

Choosing the Bridesmaids' Dresses!

Now that The Dress was underway (although slowly, what with shipping muslin versions back and forth Columbus-Norfolk, the next tast: selecting the Bridesmaids' Dresses. Complicated by the Maid of Honor being in Norfolk, while the Bridesmaids (Shawna and Liz) were in Columbus. So MOTB and The Bridesmaids went shopping, heading to a giant upscale mall north of Columbus, Polaris Fashion Place (www.polarisfashionplace.com/). With a Macy's, a Kaufmann's, a JC Penney, and a Sears, it seemed possible. It's huge, and along a burgeoning commercial strip with a huge outdoor amphitheatre at the east end, and a good art store at the west end. Also a JoAnn's Fabric and More store across the street that we were already fara too familiar with. So off they went. And came back with three possible choices (and remember, TBTB specified olive and ivory as her preferred colors). The selections (all pictured at the Wedding Site):
Dress 1: A favorite of both Shawna (left) and Liz (right); MOTB feared it might be a little too clingy.

Dress 2: MOTB likes the cut and fit, as do TBMs
Unhappily, the dress is pink--not a color TBTB
likes much, we suspect.

Dress 3: TBMs find this far too plain, even with the included embroidered jacket. It is, however, olive--so that's a plus.

Photos are emailed to TBTB, currently somewhere off Finland. After a bit, she responds: Dress Number 3 is the choice. MOTB mollifies TBMs by promising jewelry/necklaces. Then Shawna reveals that she knows a wholesale place, The Flower Factory, that has all sorts of stuff. But only sells (or even allows entrance to) people with vendor's license. Luckily, MOTB has one, for her business. So it's off to Flower Factory (www.flowerfactory.com) --which winds up having and astonishing range of stuff, from really, really kitschy and junky to pretty high quality. MOTB returns with costume jewelry and ideas to decorate the Cultural Arts Center.

Meanwhile FOTB, while waiting for car to be serviced, learns via the television in the waiting room all about the current styles in wedding cakes--and that there's something called the Groom's Cake, for which bakers indulge all sorts of bakery whimsey. All this knowledge courtesy of the Today program, which apparently has selected a lucky couple who are, it seems, allowing the viewers of the Today program to select all the elements of their wedding (I hope they at least get a honeymoon out of the deal). The worst is the groom's cake in the shape of a basket full of crabs--ostensibly because the wedding will take place in Maryland. The other connotation of a groom bring his bride crabs apparently lost on the baker, the Today program folks, and the delighted couple. More about all this folly at www.msnbc.msn.com/id8716116/ --and the basket of crabs won the vote of the viewers nationwide. Hopefully some irony was involved?

It all gets curiouser and curiouser.

Housing the Wedding Party and The Guests

2005-09-16T21:43:00.000-04:00

We need to house the Wedding Party--and, remember, it's the Ohio State/Texas football weekend. All hotels downtown are sold out, as are all hotels in the university district. Luckily, good friends, Gareth and Marjorie Jones, own the Victorian Bed and Breakfast, in several houses in the Victorian Village and University District; they agree to reserve several rooms. In the actual B&B, where they live, there's a Bridal Suite, and Executive Suite next door, and a top floor apartment. Another house has two floors with three apartments, and a top floor (the late 19th century attic) which has been opened up in to one huge room. And there are other houses with separate apartments. So it looks like we can house TGTB's Best Man and Groomsmen and Usher in the huge top floor, TGTB's stepmother, mother, and two sisters on the ground floor of the same building, the siblings of MOTB and their spouses on the second floor, the Ring Bearer and her parents on the top floor of the actual B&B, the female usher in the Executive Suite, and the niece and nephew of MOTB and spouses and children in other houses. The Matron of Honor will stay with her siblings in a hotel, as will the siblings of FOTB. Helen and Tom, friends of POTB (she was a bridesmaid at their wedding) will stay in hotel on Friday night, with POTB once TBTB is safely enscounced in the Bridal Suite.

It takes some time to work all this out, with much planning, lists, etc. But it's set, the appropriate people notified, the Joneses given lists of who'll be where. They're much preoccupied, as the cast of the touring production of The Phantom of the Opera will be staying in all these spaces for the end of July and all of August. As a side note, the Victorian Bed and Breakfast is terrific, as are the proprietors. Gareth, now 80, has the patience and stamina of a saint. Marjorie won a Sophia Loren look-alike contest many years ago, and remains a striking woman wiht enormous presence. They're British. Marjorie decoates their spaces with all manner of things--all spaces are filled with knick-knacks, furniture, prints, statuettes, furniture, and so forth--much of it themed. The top floor, where the men of the wedding party will be, has sports imagery all about, lots of scarlet and gray (the OSU colors), and a miniature London phonebooth as a cabinet in the kitchen area. And everything is for sale, all on consignment or gathered up at garage and estate sales, which Marjorie and Gareth do on the side.

Once the housing plans are complete, of course, they fall apart. The siblings of the MOTB decide they don't want to stay in the B&B; too expensive at $80 per night, charm notwithstanding. We find a relatively inexpensive motel south of the trendy German Village area, about a mile away from The Wedding Site, plus a couple of other inexpensive motels nearby. But when we check them out, the other motels turn out to be a bit seedy, and look rather as if many of the rooms rent by the hour. The German Village Inn, however, turns out to be both inexpensive, clean, and respectable. We immediately book a room for the pastor (who's really a high priestess of TBTB's Egyptian temple, but we don't make much of that), and send information to everybody else; http://travel.yahoo.com/p-hotel-331179-village_inn_motel-i MOTB siblings book there, as does FOTB's elder brother, and several other folks as well.

Then it turns out at TGTB's stepmother and mother are bringing two friends with them. And that TGTB's sisters really need a ground floor space, because of physical problems. And that the female usher needs a separate room for medical reasons. And that the MOH's siblings can't come after all. So we regroup. Stepmother/mother's friends and female usher will stay on second floor where MOTB's siblings were booked; there's a separate room there where the female usher can be housed; MOH can stay in the Executive Suite. All problems solved.

But wait. Spaces for MOTB niece, nephew, and families (which includes the butterfly girl) suddenly are no longer available--they've been promised to a visiting professor and a visitng doctor. That the visiting professor turns out to be visiting the department where FOTB works, and was once his student, simply adds to the small world theory of life. No problem--we send them to German Village Inn as well. All set.

Housing taken care of. Now comes the matter of the dresses for the MOH and the Bridesmaids. Meanwhile, work on The Dress proceeds--and FOTB learns much more about what's available at various JoAnn Fabrics and More stores (and the differences between the several JoAnn stores in the Columbus vicinity) than he would have thought possible. Plus a crash course on what the JoAnn buyers regard as really, really cute decorate elements for one's house and yard.

The Dress continued; The Wedding Party

2005-09-02T21:57:00.000-04:00

Sewing starts on The Dress. Since TBTB is in Norfolk and out to sea, and MOTB and sewing is happening in Columbus, there can be no direct fittings. So MOTB cuts and sews The Dress in muslin, then ships it to Norfolk. There, TBTB tries it on with help of her friend Meg, who's to be The Matron of Honor; they pin where it needs work, take photos, and send it back. It's a bit too tight; TBTB announces that she's 'saggy and puffy' from lack of exercise, although that hardly shows in the photos. MOTB makes a new, slightly larger version, again in muslin, and mails it off. This one works, needing few changes. Then TBTB decides the neckline should be different; several options are proposed, as in the photo below. This one is decided to be just perfect.

MOTB starts sewing in earnest, cutting out the satin and lace and stiching away.

So the dress is in train, so to speak. Now it's time to assemble the The Wedding Party. TGTB has three close old friends. He also has a nephew and a close female friend he wants to be in the party. One problem: the nephew is very tall (over 6'5") and weights 350 lbs. Who can he be matched with? AFter some discussion TBTB and TGTB decide not to worry about it. One old friend becomes Best Man, another old friend and nephew are groomsmen, third old friend and the female friend become ushers.

TBTB has an easier time, at least at first; her Matron of Honor is a close friend from the ship; good friends from Columbus and upstate New York are invited to be the bridesmaids. So that part seems easy. But then a problem appears: New York friend doesn't respond to emails, notes in snail mail, phone messages. So she's replaced by another Columbus-based friend. All seems set. Ring bearer will be 8 year old daughter of close friends, who adores TBTB. Flower girl will be TBTB's cousin's two-year old daughter--except she'll be a butterfly girl, not a flower girl. She'll have packets of butterflies, to be handed to guests and released when TB and TG recess--apparently it's possible to buy butterflies that are somehow semidormant. Haven't any clue how this works, but TBTB says it'll work. And certainly the folks at the Cultural Arts Center think this is better than rice tossed about their brick courtyard (or birdseed--when POTB were married rice was verboten for the same reason--but birdseed was ok, since it'd get eaten by the resident pigeons at that wedding in New York City. So we were pelted with millet and sunflower seeds. Butterflies are a decided improvement). Invitations issued and accepted. Now it remains to settle on the bridesmaid's dresses. And housing the party and guests.

The Gown and The Invitation List

2005-08-30T01:14:00.000-04:00

It’s now mid June. First, The Invitation List: assembled by TBTB, with TGTB giving family and friend addresses, it soon reaches over 100; as TBTB sees a wedding of about 65 people, this allows for a reasonable rejection rate. We think. But then there’s a snag: TBTB intends to design and produce the invitations. On the face of it, that’s doable. She not only has the computer skills needed to physically produce invitations, RSVP cards, and whatever else, she also earned a B.F.A. in graphic design at the Columbus College of Art and Design, which led her into a career in web page design before the Navy beckoned.

But in reality, TBTB’s producing the invitations is problematic. Her work days are pretty full, and her ship is heading off to the North Sea and Finland. And time marches on. Finally, after various relatives have inquired whether the wedding is still on, as they’ve not heard anything formal, we send an email: you must either get the invitations done now, or do something else. I do a backward timeline: if wedding is September 10th, then people need to have decided whether they’re coming or not by at least August 10th, in order to book flights, make arrangements, reserve hotels, etc. If they need to decide by August 10th, the invitations have to reach them by July 20th. That means they need to be mailed by July 15th. Which means we need to have completed invitations in order to assemble them by July 13th. Which means MOTB, who’s going to address the envelopes, needs to have the envelopes by July 8th. Which means you need to mail the envelopes by July 1st, unless you overnight them. And all of this is too late unless people have some formal advance notice, and don’t make plans for early September -- or, if they have children, need to start making arrangements for travel now.

TBTB gets the message. She sends “Save the Date” postcards immediately from Scotland, then hits all the deadlines for the invitations.

Now, The Gown. TBTB wants to make her gown. Apart from the fact that, if her schedule makes doing the invitations difficult, constructing a wedding gown (for a young woman who has never built a complete garment in her life, as far as I know, although she has knit several monumental and quite gorgeous scarves) is flatly impossible. Luckily (at least for TBTB, if not for FOTB) MOTB wants to make The Gown, as her mother did for her. I’m a bit skeptical at this; MOTB’s mother was a professional draper and seamstress at various points, and taught dressmaking and sewing in the New York Public Schools after having been head draper at Bergdorff Goodman’s in New York, then spending a couple of decades in her husband’s butcher store. MOTB sews occasionally. But nothing on the scale of A Wedding Gown.

TBTB thinks this a marvelous idea. And she has an idea! She saw a gown she thought was gorgeous on a tv scifi show, “Firefly.” She thoughtfully provides a DVD, so MOTB can study the gown. Here it is. It’s black and red, hardly bride colors--and the actress’s hair obscures several key points: is the red overskirt part of a jacket with sleeves, or are the sleeves and apparent jacket part of the bodice? Is the neckline square or rounded? Is the actress’s bosom augmented or pushed up? Etc. We watch the requisite episode of “Firefly” again. And again. And pause it. And photograph it. And try to figure out the architecture of the gown, and of the body under it, to see how it needs to be adjusted to the no-quite-so-Hollywood-enhanced body of TBTB. MOTB makes sketches. TBTB corrects/amends them, when email can reach her in the North Sea. A look is agreed upon. White crepe-backed satin will be the dress, an elaborate white lace will be the overdress and jacket with long sleeves. JoAnn Fabric becomes a regular stop on shopping trips: what sort of interface? What thread? How to bind the edges of the lace?

We all are about to learn a great deal about linings, interfaces, FrayStop, the limits of machine stiches, and other unknown topics. The learning process will not be one of unmitigated delight at learning new things.

Table settings

2005-08-27T23:23:00.000-04:00

Well, so getting the site (that's the courtyard above) and caterer was fairly easy. Flowers even easier; MOTB has worked with Mimosa Florists before, so they're set. TBTB wants to use ivy leaves, and since we've tons of ivy growing in the ravine that is our backyard, that part will be easy. Not so sure about getting it to the florist five days ahead for "hardening," however--assume that means I'll be doing a lot of clipping of ivy, etc. But now we have to deal with the Other Stuff: linens, napkins, tables, chairs--all that stuff. Cristin at Dragonfly says she can take care of all that. But we feel confident we can make choices, select what we want, and so forth. So POTB set off for Triple A rental, which we hear from various sources is the best place in town.

Well, they've got A LOT OF STUFF. The show room is filled with tables, punch bowls, large metal stands to hold odd objects, candelabra, all manner of things. We're sent back to a large warehouse space where a single harried young woman gives us choices to make, clearly happy to have a break from inventorying glasses in trays. The decisions are unending: what color china? Gold band on rim or not? And given that they can't guarantee that the china won't be worn, that's a serious choice. What color linens? What kinds of glassware? What size tables? How many tables? Some parameters: gallery space, where reception will take place, is large, given that we're looking at about 60 guests. And it's to be a buffet, so we don't want sit down/large tables. It appears what we want are cabaret tables (or "cabs" for short--I'm learning a new lingo here). Fine. Cabs it is. And chairs. We can have simple folding chairs in white or black. Or very expensive little gold chairs. I push for plain white chairs. But am overruled by MTOB--the gold chairs it will be! I argue back. Finally we compromise: we'll have gold chairs for the wedding party, plain white chairs for everybody else. Serpentine tables (they curve) (and are known as 'serps') are chosen for food service. Gold rimmed plates are eventually chosen by TBTB after much emailing of photos back and forth. So there must be gold toned forks to match. There are! What a surprise!

Now a major crisis. Since TBTB has chosen ivory and ivy as The Colors, we must have ivory linens--tablecloths on the Cabs, skirts on the Serps, napkins, in ivory. But The Wedding Date is also a Big Day for Texas and Ohio State fans, as Neva, our 'consultant' informs us while filling out our order. And the ivory linens are bespoke. Triple A regrets, but there we are. Had we been more timely (and, I should have said earlier, I'm doing much of this well after the events: the Linen Crisis happened in late May)--- What to do? Neva has a thought: "T-Riffic Table Linens might have some!" She gives us directions. We rush to T-Riffic. It's hard to find. In an industrial (or post-industrial) part of town, it's in a commercial row on a minor side street that runs parallel to a major street, and is virtually invisible. Part of the access road is unpaved.

Once inside, T-Riffic is great fun. Where Triple A was warehouse style, T-Riffic is modified bordello in look. Everything is padded, plush, draped--walls, tables, even the chairs have fabric draped and tied over them. A large wedding cake sits on one table. A rack of available linen patters--some quite astounding: I should have expected stars and stripes these days, and sports-themed ones, certainly. But still startling to see them, and dizzying to image a banquet hall tricked out in them.

Theresa, the affable and helpful owner, takes our order. She has ivory linen! She'll deliver! She's our newest best friend!

Meanwhile, we've made contact with TGTB's family in Iowa. His father has only recently passed away, but the family seems to have drawn together. POTG were divorced many years ago, so TGTB has both a mother and step mother, who now live together, after his father's death; so now we have MOTG and SMOTG joining the circle. After much emailing back and forth, it emerges that both SMOTG and MOTG are dedicated practical jokers. That might make the rehearsal dinner interesting--

The Caterer

2005-08-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

So we now have to hire a caterer. The problem: POTB are vegetarians; TBTB and TGTB are not. So we huddle, consult, weigh options, and so forth. Do we (POTB) hire a caterer who will serve meat? Do we get a caterer whose idea of vegetarian options is a tray of celery stalks and carrot sticks (perhaps with slices of cucumber if they're creative)? In short, do we put up with the sort of food we normally have to put up with at such events (to which we often go knowing that we'll have to eat beforehand, or afterwards), or go another route? So we decide to arrange for food we'll enjoy--after all, we're paying for it! Call us selfish; we'll warn the determined carnivores that they should stock up at Wendy's or White Castle (both based in Columbus, by the way) on the way to the wedding. Have two Sausage Egg McMuffins that morning if you must.

Luckily, we have a choice of caterers. Del Sroufe has a private chef business, makes great bread and cakes (he did a spectacular cake with orchids for a surprise birthday party for MOTB several years ago); he's at http://www.delsbread.com/Home.html. But Del's home cooking business has taken off, and he's stopped doing catering of the buffet sort. Dragonfly Neo-v Cuisine--all vegan, virtually all local--is a nationally-recognized place whose chef, Magdiale Wolmark, just won a platinum carrot award for vegan cooking; more about Magdiale and Cristin's joint at http://www.dragonflyneov.com/ -- and we've been eating there since they opened five years ago, and held another suprise birthday party for MOTB there for forty-five folks. Then there's Whole World Restaurant, Columbus' oldest vegetarian restaurant, when Dan and Kim Otanicar have been serving up great soups and entrees (not to mention whole wheat crust pizza) for over twenty five years. Dan and Kim also do a burgeoning business at festivals--Kim's out virtually every weekend early spring through fall. So we go with Dragonfly.

First, however, a minor hitch: the Cultural Arts Center can only use approved caterers. And Dragonfly's not on the list. Neither are Del nor Whole World. In fact, there's no vegetarian caterer on the list. Luckily, the CAC administrator, Jennifer Johnson, is eager to cooperate. "Since we have no vegetarian caterers," she muses, "perhaps now's the time to get some!" So after we provide assurance that Dragonfly is bonded, they get approved. Now: what to serve? We get a very long and complicated catering menu from Cristin, which takes forever to download on our slow machine, forward it to TBTB who's off the coast of Scotland at this point, and apparently not ready to deal with it. It is pretty hard to figure out what's being offered, and even harder to figure out how it tastes if you don't eat there regularly and know the wonderful things Magdiale does with vegetables, organic grains, smoked tofu, seitan, and so forth.

Luckily, TBTB is in town briefly in June. So she gets to try out various things on the catering menu--and after a great deal of discussion, tastings, and occasional misunderstanding, this is the menu that results:

wedding lunch buffet

japanese griddle cakes
miso vegetable

autumn phyllo rolls
star anise ponzu

“best vegetable platter in town ”
smoked tofu,grilled portabella, roasted early autumn squashes, sticky rice cakes
herbal iced tea (unsweetened)

There's still the question of the cake, how it gets displayed, the flowers, and, most dread of all, the Linens and Tables.

The Site

2005-08-17T11:02:00.000-04:00

Next came the choice of The Site. As TGTB is a fundamentalist Christian, TBTB generally a pagan practicing re-created ancient Egyptian rites, and The Parents of The Bride were practicing Roman Catholics until the last election -- but that's another story -- this posed certain problems. The generally radical RC center where TPTB had worshipped for over twenty years was no longer available (and if it were, would have posed problems with both TGTB and TBTB, let alone with figuring out who would perform the ceremony). So TPTB scoped out possibilities: Columbus has a number of park settings: The Park of Roses, originally established by the National Rose Society, with sample bushes of every possible rose--with several highly popular places for weddings http://recparks.columbus.gov/rentals/Whetstone.asp; the Deaf School Park, on the grounds of the Ohio State School for the Deaf -- at least the grounds of the nineteenth century school, which burned down years ago. The park now has a topiary recreation of Georges Seurat's Un dimanche après-midi à l'Ile de la Grande Jatte http://recparks.columbus.gov/rentals/Topiary_Gardens.asp which is great fun--and a popular setting for weddings. But the site finally chosen: The Cultural Arts Center (http://www.culturalartscenteronline.org/html/about.asp) It's a Civil War era Armory, converted in the late 70s into an arts center. The figurehead from the U.S.S. Ohio decorates an exterior wall, while the ship's bell from the U.S.S. Columbus hangs in the courtyard. So the site is chosen. Now the problem is: securing the site. Columbus Recreation and Parks is in transition, dealing with budget cuts, staff reductions, and the like. So getting responses is difficult. But finally, it's done. The site is set. Now, onward.

Next: the invitation list/the flowers/the caterer

Setting The Date

2005-07-30T22:46:00.000-04:00

Early part of March was devoted to Setting The Date. Two active duty schedules to consider--when can leave be requested, when probably granted, etc. For The Groom To Be, stationed in the far north and essentially a one-man operation, this is not, apparently, a major problem--he can pretty much write and approve his own leave requests, I gather. For The Bride To Be, however, potential major difficulties. New commander, updates to equipment and capabilities, uncertainty as to when ship will be under way and when not, and constantly changing plans. Add to that other responsibilities for TBTB, both on board and for the larger command (TBTB represents her ship for rifle competitions, for example), and it all gets pretty tangled.

But after much consulting, talking to hierarchies, reading entrails, watching the way clouds of smoke drift, and so forth, a date is determined: September 10th. All is good. We have a date. We can proceed with plans. Until we learn that September 10th is date of Big Football Game: University of Texas vs. Ohio State. But then, we figure, that means the city will be deserted during the day. Everyone will be tailgating and drinking. Next task: The Site.

It begins

2005-07-28T21:45:00.000-04:00

February 2005: after 35 years, our USNavy daughter has decided to get married. A relief: weren't sure she'd ever wed, were growing convinced that there would never be a grandchild -- which, given some of the guys she'd been with, wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The fiance appears a nice guy, although we've not met. He's 40, also on active duty. So this is not a rushed, sudden decision. Both mature, accomplished people.

But both in the Navy (he retires next year), and in different parts of the world. She's a sonar tech, currently assigned to a destroyer based on the east coast; he's a weather tech, on a base near the Arctic. And although her ship won't be doing a long cruise for a while, there will be short underways. The wedding will happen in September, here, in her hometown in Ohio. Long distance wedding planning. Parents will carry the coal. And will post about it--